Sick Cycle Carousel
by Alene Deirbre
Summary: A very short songfic for Ken. This is thoughts and feelings that might have been going through Ken after he stopped being the digimon emperor, but before he joined the other DD. *this is for the Ken angst fan*.


A/N: well I'm on brake at my work so I decided to write this. I have had this idea for a while so I'm glad that I am finally putting it down on paper.

Anyway this is my first songfic and it is to 'Sick Cycle Carousel' by Lifehouse. This fic describes some of the feeling and thoughts that might have been going through Ken after he stopped being the Digimon Emperor, but before he joined the other DD.

Disclaimer: Digimon does not belong to my, nor does the song Sick 

Cycle Carousel.

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If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine

If it had a home would it be my eyes

Would you believe me if I said I was tired of this

Well here we go now one more time

As I gaze into the mirror my reflection makes me sick. The person staring back disgusts me, what kind of creature am I? What kind of monster have my parents brought into this world? This world of living, where people smile and laugh and live, I don't belong amongst them. I am nothing like them, I am a creature of cruelty, a span of the darkness I sought to control. I can't stand it any longer; I want free of this hell called life.

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I tried to climb your steps 

I tried to chase you down

I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground

I tried to earn my way

I tried to change this mind

You better believe that I tried to beat this

I know I am beyond forgiveness that's not what I want. All I want is a chance for repentance, a chance to correct some of the harm I have caused. I'm tired of living this lie, the lie that I am some perfect child. I was never perfect, my brother he was prefect. He never did anything wrong. He should be the one here now, not me, not the monster.

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When will this end it goes on and on 

Over and over and over again

Keep spinning around I know it won't stop 

Till I step down from this for good

I remember when I was younger, all I ever wanted was to blow bubbles and play in the sand box at the park. I was so innocent, so full of life, how did I ever loose that. How did I go from a child to a monster? Even now I sit here pitying myself when I should be asking for forgiveness from the other Digidestined, but how can I expect them to trust me when I don't even trust myself? There is no good in me, Wrommon saw good in my, but he was deceived. I am a monster nothing more.

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I never thought I'd end up here

I never thought I'd be standing where I am

I guess I kind of thought it would be easier then than this

I guess I was wrong now one more time

My hands are shaking, is it because I am afraid, no that's not it, it's because I am cold. Why am I cold? I look at the item I hold in my hand; it's my D-3. It feels like ice, I never noticed this before. Why is it so cold? Is it because I am cold? Are the other Digidestined's D-3's cold? No theirs are probably warm, warm a comforting to hold. Theirs were only used for good; mine was conceived for evil. Does this mean I will always be cold, will I ever gain warmth again?

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When will this end it goes on and on 

Over and over and over again

Keep spinning around I know it won't stop 

Till I step down from this for good

Every time I close my eyes I see him, that monster staring back at me. Every time I lay down to rest I hear the screams from the innocent blood that I have spelt. Why did this happen to me? I want to rest, to fall asleep and never wake again. I could, I could end my life quickly, no one would care, no one would probably notice. But I can't, not yet, not until I have paid for my crimes. Death is a release, a sweet restful release, and I don't deserve that. I must live, I must correct my mistakes, and live with the guilt and grieve I have created for myself. I will live at least for a little longer.

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This is a sick cycle carousel

This is a sick cycle

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Well what did you think? It looks rushed because it was, I wrote this in fifteen minutes, so it's no that good. Well please review just the same, constructive criticism is always welcome. Well now I have to go back to work, bye bye.


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